Thursday, December 31, 2009

I feel obligated to write about New Years

I seem to be the only one not making New Years resolutions or reflecting on the year. I've never seen the point in reflecting or resolving at the end of a year. I feel like I'm reflecting all of the time anyway and if I want to resolve something, I'll do it at any time of the year. Many things don't seem to change with the New Year anyway: the school year usually continues; my health issues continue; I don't feel any older, etc.

This year is a bit different because I coincidentally have happened to make resolutions at the year end, mostly about what I need to do to live a full, happy life with my continuing health issues, which I accepted probably won't get better any time soon, at least not without my intervention. Also, a new school year will start for me in January! At a brand new school and program!

So these upcoming changes have made me think about what's been going on in my life, not for the past year, but for more than the past two:

October 2007 -- I started having week-long episodes of a very rapid heart rate that would occur every few months

Somewhere in the fall, 2007 -- I became very unhappy with school and officially decided that I did not want a career in journalism. Then I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and this made me feel very lost and my already shoddy self-esteem took a major nose dive.

Around February-April, 2008 -- I got emotional/career counselling at the Learning Disabilities program at my school to deal with fears about my learning disability and find a career that would be right for me.

May 2008 -- I got my very first full time job for the summer at the Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus Association of Ontario updating their contacts, assisting with administration and writing public service announcements and press releases.

October 2008 -- My episodes of rapid heart rate were coming more frequently and lasting longer. I started to feel really unwell with it and so finally saw my cardiologist about it. He upgraded my Tiazac to the maximum dosage of 360 mg. Then later he found it wasn't working well enough, so he put me on 0.125 mg of Digoxin. But for months I continued to have episodes which made me feel very awful, but they didn't last as long or come as frequently. My cardiologist didn't take them seriously and told me I was having anxiety and depression.

November 2008 -- One of the unions at York went on strike, halting classes for three months.

February 2009 -- I went to Jamaica for a family reunion -- all of my paternal family, including those from England, were there! My great aunt and uncle had just died and we raised our glasses to them at one of our dinners.

June 2009 -- I got my wisdom teeth out. Then my liver became dysfunctional and I became very weak and was vomiting like crazy. Then I started having neurological symptoms and my family doctor sent me to the ER. I'm STILL not doing that great.

September 2009 -- My sister and her boyfriend got a puppy!

Oh, and I forgot to mention that all throughout this time, many of my dearest friends have moved out, gotten engaged, etc. I feel very much behind all of them, but I'm confident that once I've finished my certificate, I will also get a grown up job and move out!

For fun I made a list of resolutions and things I want to happen in the New Year:

- gain ten pounds
- get physical therapy and whatever else is necessary to help me feel better
- brush my hair every day
- shave regularly
- move out
- start a formal exercise plan
- drink less when I'm out with friends, ie) don't embarrass myself or them
- swim in my pool in the summer
- regularly clean my room
- get a grown-up job!
- do some freelance writing
- get a digital camera to take pictures for this blog
- learn to cook more than scrambled eggs and oatmeal

No wonder people make New Years resolutions! There's always a lot to resolve. Still, I like to think I'm constantly improving myself, not just at the end of the year. Also, I don't think the dawn of this new year -- or any -- is worth celebrating. I never go out on New Years because I can't stand the crowds or the expense! I'm just going to have a quiet dinner with my family and play with my sister's puppy. He needs to resolve to stop biting me when I try to take something out of his mouth. And my sister, who is going out for dinner with her boyfriend, needs to resolve to start returning the jewelry I let her borrow! I wonder if she'll wear one of my necklaces tonight...


  1. Happy New Year!!!

    I hope at least half those things come true, hehe... I've only ever made one resolution I stuck to: to give up making New Year's resolutions!!!

    May you have a year of good health and happiness (and according to word verification, sushi!).

  2. Yeah most of my resolutions are easy to attain, I think. I resolved these things ages ago, so they aren't really "New Years" resolutions. Thanks and health and happiness to you too!

  3. I meant "resolved to do these things" not "resolved these things"