I wasn't sure if I would get to write an entry tonight because I've kept my sister's five month old shih poo in my room so she and my Mom can get a break. They both looked exhausted! I was happy to help, but puppy kept crying in his crate and I didn't think he would stop until I turned the lights off and got into bed. Phew! Finally, he went to sleep. His crying breaks my heart! I won't pay attention to him now, though because he has to keep his routine learn to go to bed when I tell him to.
Even though I haven't felt so well today, I still felt compelled to offer to take puppy tonight. I love him and it's nice that I get to give Mom and my sis a break. I like to look after puppy anyway because he makes me feel needed. I don't like being responsible only for myself. It's nice to know that I'm physically more up to looking after him than my mom and sister are right now! I feel strong and important. Puppy helps me realize my physical and mental strength. He gives me so much love!
This need I felt to care for something reminded me of Emily Carr's "Pause," a book comprised of sketches she drew while she was in a sanatorium for over a year in the early 1900's and a retrospective narrative of her experience in the sanatorium that she wrote somewhere near the end of her life in the 1940s. She couldn't paint anymore because she had heart trouble. In "Pause," Emily wrote a lot about some baby birds in a nest she kept by her bed at the sanitarium. Caring for the birds not only made her feel needed, but they amused her, helped her pass the time and make friends with the other patients who came to visit her birds. She drew sketches of the birds and so they helped nurture her artistic talent.
My life has also been on "pause" and I feel like puppy helps me much like the birds helped Emily. No matter how awful I feel, I feed him, take him outside and supervise him around the house. If I wasn't doing that I would just be watching television! Puppy is far more amusing than television anyway. His cuddles are very comforting during bad times. I write about him a lot in my diary and he's given me many ideas for my dog-related fiction. Puppy is so bouncy and fun. He helps to bring those qualities out in me when I become too much of an old lady.
I can hear his tags dangling in his cage and I don't want him to start crying again, so I'd better go! He's staying at my house on Christmas Eve night and morning! I'm so excited. I think we both need to rest up for Santa!