Today I took my piece of !#&@ Dollar Store umbrella for a walk as it tried to pull me into the sky like Mary Poppins. The wind kept blowing the spokes outward, creating a force that pulled me upward when I tried to walk with the umbrella broken and outward when I put the umbrella in front of me to try to fix the spokes. Sometimes I shook the umbrella widely; other times I just held it in front of me and let it pull me down the street; other times I collapsed the umbrella and whispered swear words, refusing to put it back up until the rain got heavy.
It must have been quite a sight: me wearing my yellow trench coat shaking a broken purple umbrella. Its spokes were naked and the tips of them were threatening to poke my eyes out. A freak accident seemed likely since the small handle and my weak hand and arm gave me little control over the violently waving purple monster. I decided to take the risk rather than hold the umbrella with both hands. I thought if anything good came from the walk, it would be that my left hand I had in the pocket of my coat was warm. How I envy you, Left Hand. You never have to write anything or be exposed to the cold.
You may be wondering why I chose to subject myself to the dangers of a rebellious umbrella on a Saturday afternoon. Well, I had a cat to feed. What I won't do for animals and money. We all know I need both right now.
Maybe I'll use some of my cat-sitting money to buy a new umbrella.