I have zero appetite today. In a few hours I will go to my sister's apartment-warming party! I've only been with her there once, after she furnished and decorated it. She seemed so adult, giving me her laptop to use, then a juice box and a box of crackers. I felt like her little sister. I technically am -- she is three minutes older. Oh, and she has a grown-up job with an office and a salary. I'm still a student living at home. Bah, I am jealous!
My theory is that the big sister/little sister dynamic always exists, no matter what the difference in age between sisters. My sister has always been more independent and concerned for my well being. My mom tells this story: once when I was in the hospital when we were very young, my sister said to my mom. "Don't let them (doctors, presumably) hurt my sister." I don't know if I was getting my tonsils out, bi-lateral hernia repaired (yes, when I was potty training, I had two hernias at the same time: complication related to my hydrocephalus). Maybe I was getting brain tests or had an asthma attack -- who knows.
There's video of us dancing around in a circle onstage during a ballet recital. I was struggling to keep up to her. How symbolic!
But there are times that I've played the older sister, like helping her with homework or taking care of her when she was sick. I still do that. I do feel maternal in that situation because I handle illness so much better than she does: experience, I guess. Also, I like the role reversal: yay, sometimes I'm the nurse instead of the patient! Then I get to take care of someone. I know how important it is to have a nurturing caregiver.
Tonight I'm going to try not to feel too much like her baby sister. I may even dress up! I should wear my glasses. They make me look and feel more mature. My vision is a bit blurry today anyway. I'm having to work harder than usual to maintain my focus. Maybe this is because I'm tired? Who knows. I'll also try not to get crumbs on her couch again... If I don't wear my glasses, I can just tell her I didn't see the crumbs, but then she will still want to know how I managed to get so many crumbs there in the first place. We don't even live together anymore -- haven't in months -- but the big sister/little sister dynamic is still there!