Saturday, March 6, 2010

My Chaotic, but Guilt-Free Rest Week

I have the puppy in my lap. He has his paws on the keyboard table and he's looking at the screen. He just lied down. Aw. He's so tired after his busy morning playing. I'm tired too. I had a rough symptom week. I wish I could have guilt-free time to rest like he does. No, I wish I didn't need to rest. I hate that I'm still so tired after taking Wednesday and Thursday off school.

For about three days, I had serious leg pain and fatigue. On Tuesday after I interviewed someone for a school project, I dared to go for a walk. Half an hour into it, it was too hard to lift my feet up properly, so I shuffle-dragged myself to the nearby subway station. I felt so defeated. I thought that was a randomly bad symptom time, but I ended up feeling horrible for the next couple of days. One night I couldn't even sleep because of the pain. Yesterday I was much more energetic, but by night I was having to catch myself a lot. I nearly fell twice.

I'm pretty sure the pain and fatigue mostly result from the Post-Viral syndrome, which would explain why my symptoms are intermittent and worsen with activity. My neurologist told me he has seen many patients like me who have non-specific symptoms that go for months and months after a virus. This virus was severe enough to injure my liver, (which healed after a week after my doctor discovered the injury) so it makes sense that I still haven't recovered, especially considering my pre-existing health problems. I'm not the most robust person in the world.

I think a big part of me is usually more drawn to Dandy Walker and my other conditions as a cause for this illness because I've always had these symptoms: they're just more pronounced. Also, I feel like Dandy Walker Syndrome as a cause of this seems to validate my situation more. Post-Viral syndrome, from what doctors have told me, is harmless and requires no treatment. How can such severe symptoms be "harmless"? Post-Viral Syndrome will go away on its own, so I hope when it does, my symptoms will improve. I'm not very optimistic, though. Like I said, I had the symptoms, just less severely, before the Post-Viral Syndrome. Months ago, I imagined that when the Post-Viral Syndrome ended, I would feel amazing and be very strong. This was clearly a delusion because I wasn't in amazing health before I got the post-viral. Why would I be in amazing health when it ends?

I hope the time away from school and people during my Reading Week, which has just started, won't make me too reflective. I'm sure I will be distracted by the great level of school work I have to do! I don't really know much of a break it will be. This week I have to write a company analysis, do a copy editing assignment, find an interview for a writing assignment, prepare two group presentations and seek sponsorships for my event.

Most of my classmates seem to feel really stressed about everything we have to do, but I'm not stressed at all. Most of my assignments are easy and don't take much time to do. I can handle the workload; it's just physical activity that worsens my symptoms. I will get plenty of rest. I don't have to go out much, so I should feel decent this week. I can rest when I want without feeling guilty about it or having to deal with people who don't understand what I'm going through. These assignments feel so insignificant compared to my health problems. I have perspective. I'm very grateful that I don't have a job or need a job.

I'm going to try not to be too anti-social, though. My friends are so supportive and it's so therapeutic to laugh with them and forget about school and my health. I want to see if any of them want to come to my house for tea. I live at home, so I'll have to ask for Mommy and Daddy's permission first! Ha.

2 comments :

  1. Sorry those symptoms are grinding on you. Maybe with the return of warm weather, they will lift.

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  2. Thanks Jason, but the weather has no impact. It's actually 15 degrees celsius in Toronto today! Lots of sun. If that isn't therapeutic, I don't think any weather will be.

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