Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It's here

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH my Heart and Stroke Foundation fundraiser is tomorrow and I'm getting nervous again! I feel more excited than nervous, actually. This must be what it feels like to be an expectant mother at the ninth month of her pregnancy.

Finally, my group and I will get to see the results of our hard work, but now that I think of it, I don't know if I consider this event my baby. What exactly am I birthing? I didn't do as much work on it as I wanted to: I missed several group meetings throughout the semester because I was sick; I didn't visit all of the potential sponsors I had letters for because I was sick; oh, and I will be mostly doing jobs like operating the raffle and cover tables because these tasks allow me to sit. You might say that I am a teensy bit frustrated with myself, and of course feeling guilty too. BUT, I DID learn a lot about how to approach sponsors and raise awareness. I also learned to disclose my health issues and possible absences, so that I can accommodate myself by doing tasks that I can manage on my own when I'm up to it. Disclosure also helps others accommodate me and may prevent them from thinking I'm just skipping classes or making excuses.

I am only really nervous about tomorrow because I anticipate people getting frustrated with me. You see, It often takes me a while to understand and remember auditory instructions or auditory information that comes in a sequence because of my Auditory Processing Disorder. External noise will make it even more difficult. My coordination issues also may present a problem as I am not usually quick with my hands when it comes to motor skills I will use to handle change. Oh, and I also have difficulty with math -- sometimes even very simple math in my head, so I'm super glad I will have a trusty calculator. I am perfectly able to do all of these things; I just can't usually do them quickly or without help, but I will have help tomorrow.

I'm afraid of a long line up as I fumble with a calculator and change -- a task made even more difficult with shaky, sweaty, nervous hands. Will people become impatient? Will I give anyone incorrect change? Will I get confused and not put half of each prize ticket stub in the bins? Will I say something awkward to any of our guests? Will guests ask me questions I don't know how to answer? How am I going to impress my team members, other classmates, instructors, family and friends?

I think when the event starts, I will probably become more confident and enjoy talking to guests and seeing the money pile up in the cash box. For now, What if? is the big question in my head. Oh self-esteem, you have evaded me again! I should get some sleep now. I will perform optimally with a lot of sleep!


  1. A good night's sleep is always a good base to build on the next day!

  2. Oh my, how familiar those thoughts sound... the "what if's" that is. Before every exam I ever wrote, I used to be convinced that I was going to fail. I never did. So I'm sure you'll be fine (really, what's the worst that can happen?) but I understand your angst.
    Let us know how it all goes.

  3. Yes, sleep is essential no matter what!

    The event was a success and I felt amazing! Nobody screwed up and our guests had a great time. I'm SO glad it's over.

    Thanks Jinksy and Terri for your support!