Friday, July 30, 2010


I felt great today! So energetic and stable up stairs, like weights had been removed from my ankles which were actually bare in my cute sandals. I endured a lot of walking in the heat and it felt wonderful. I was with my friend who I hadn't seen in a year. We had lots of girly chats. I had a glass of white wine on a restaurant patio... In the afternoon! I don't think I'd ever had a drink during the day, no less in the sun, but why not? This was a special occasion. I love wine, but avoid it when wobbling, asthma or heart racing are or have recently been present. How lovely it is to not have to worry about these, to just enjoy because I want to. Because I'm 24 years old and I want to hang out with my friend. I made sure we clinked glasses (in hers was beer... ew!) to mark our reunion and my great health. It was a silent toast, though.

I like to keep quiet during happy moments like this one. I'm selfish. I want the happiness all to myself! Well, it's the introspection I want to keep to myself. The awareness that I couldn't possibly convey my happiness with words and gestures. Yes, I'm often happy to physically be with friends in silence or to listen to them talk mostly -- not that my friend dominated the conversation or anything. I talked of course. I expressed my amazement that we had graduated from York over a year ago and last seen each other around that time before her move to England.

We were down on The Beach, a neighborhood in Toronto named for its -- you guessed it -- beach and the cute village street behind it. So I had not only my friend's company to savour, but the sun and the kids and dogs that occupied the beach with great enthusiasm and joy.

And I felt that joy most intensely when a boy of probably seven ran up to me and hugged me. His mom had wound a toy balsam wood plane and accidentally shot it into the direction of me and my friend. She apologized. As I told her not to worry because I played with those planes as a child and thought they were very fun, I felt some rapid thumps approach me on the boardwalk, then the boy's two arms locked my body to his, his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and asked him his name. Daniel. I told him my name. Ashley. I offered my hand and he shook it firmly. His mom said I had made a new friend. I couldn't think of truer words to describe that moment. I said maybe he thought I was someone he knew, but part of me hoped there was no mistake. This was love. I was sad when he left me and we walked away. I said goodbye to Daniel and his mom and brother. Seriously sad. I would probably never see him again. How often do you feel that connection? That love? Kids amaze me with their uncensored passion and zest for life, apparently never hesitant to share how they feel. It kind of makes me want to have kids one day.

I didn't say much with my friend and with Daniel. Both experiences were great in part because I felt little compulsion or reason to speak.


  1. Hi Ashley, I'm so glad you felt great today and enjoyed some nice girly talk with your friend! I gave you an award! Come see at

  2. Glad that you are feeling better and hope that it continues for a long time to come!


  3. For the record - beer is NOT "eeew"!

    We had the same silent toast, btw. I was glad to see that you were feeling so great! I do believe I had more issues than you did handling the outdoors - as I genuinely needed those sits!! Getting to the rocks we sat on was looooooonnng for me yesterday. (At least so far, at 6:30am, I'm feeling normal!)

    I do tend to dominate conversations... I just sometimes try to cram in everything in my head into a few minute's worth of talk, which frankly, is impossible! But I quite enjoyed feeling like I was just able to sit with no chatter. I was enjoying my silence, as my brain wasn't doing too much thinking because it kept going blank! I love the feel of the wind coming from the water, so it was great to finally find that in Toronto.

    And, in true fashion, I've just lost my train of thought. It was so lovely to see you and relax and walk around - sitting for a drink in the middle of the day and walking around are two of my absolutely most favourite things to do with friends, btw. Don't know if I've ever said that to you!

  4. I love those kind of random chance encounters. I always hope that someday I WILL see that person again, and recognize them.

  5. Hello Dear,

    I am very glad you enjoyed those moments. It's very hard to make time for yourself but you did.. good job. Wish you all the happiness.

    Have a good weekend!


  6. For the record, you actually have 2 awards waiting for you...have a great weekend, Ashley!

  7. Sometimes you need to be selfish with your time. You'll know when it is!

  8. Don't you just love sacred moments like that? ;c)

  9. Jinnia - That's so thoughtful! Thanks!

    Jane - Thanks. I hope so too, but I'm being realistic!

    Lindsey - Aw, I'm not at all surprised about your own silent toast you thoughtful girl, you! I did notice you were struggling. I hope I didn't push you too hard. I'm glad you enjoyed both the conversation and silence. I did too! It's also probably my fav way to spend time with a friend.

    Joe - Yes, it could be cool to run into Daniel again, but would it be the same outside the context of that moment we shared? I'm not so sure.

    Sabi - Actually most of my time is for myself! The difference here is that I got to share it. Thanks for being happy for me!

    Jack - I agree. I do know when I need to be selfish with my time!

    Jayne - Yes, I love moments like that. Some people are so special. Like you!

  10. The only person who ever pushes me is me, really :) I refuse to give in to something like jetlag :P It shall not beat me and shall only leave me exhausted!

    For the record - still out of it today. But better than yesterday! I had to stop to take sits when at the mall with Kristin. hahaha. Felt like an old woman!

  11. Ashley, sometimes in the silence, there is more exchanged than words could ever convey. This experience you had with Daniel was a golden moment born of itself. Sometimes... when we are just sitting there... our spirits are quietly communing with those of others. I don't mean that in the religious sense, of course, but only in the sense that we do sometimes communicate more feeling by not speaking.

    I'm sure you will never forget Daniel. I'm also sure he will never forget you. And the shared memory will make both of you smile...


  12. Yeah! You felt great and you lived fully in the moment--just like the little boy!

    Wishing you more days like this!

  13. Nevine - I agree that communication comes in many forms other than talking. Emotional energy transferred to another person through behaviour.

    Bossy - Hey great point! Maybe he sensed my happiness and wanted to share it with me! I hope I have many more days like this too. Thanks!