Saturday, July 3, 2010

To Dance Wearing Pants

On Wednesday afternoon, I woke up feeling good and decided that I had to get out of the house. My sister, detecting that I was upset, invited me to come over to her place for a bit before she and our friend went out dancing at a regular function for my sister's work. I said yes, then as I got dressed I realized I was dressing up -- perhaps because leaving my house felt like a special occasion. My outfit was black pants, a blue dress shirt and a grey sweater jacket. So I said, "What the hell," I'm up to it. I want to go dancing too! So I did! The decision was final when I found out another good friend of ours was going.

I didn't anticipate being bored at the club/bar. It's like I didn't remember disliking going out to places like that. When I was 19 for part of age 20, I really enjoyed it most of the time, just not for more than a couple of hours because I've never liked being on my feet for that long. I think I had last gone dancing a few years ago.

Well, there I was, dancing in a pink glittery shirt I picked out at my sister's (YES. ME IN PINK!) to top 40 music with strange, drunk, desperate men talking to me and even possibly drunker couples making out at various parts of the club. I'd forgotten how annoying those men were, the ones who seem to come to clubs alone just to get women to come home with them or at least re-enact scenes from the Discovery Channel on the dance floor.

It all came back to me, the necessary measures to repel these overzealous drunkards. The key is persistence, ladies:

First, don't look bored or nervous. Stand tall.

Second, never make eye contact. The beast will interpret this as, "Yes. She wants me!" or "She'll definitely come home with me if I talk to her."

Third, if he talks to you, keep your back to him. Dance with a bunch of girls if you have to. You don't necessarily have to be rude; just keep your answers short. One guy told me he wanted to get to know me and I said something like, "That's nice."

With those steps, he should get the hint, but if he doesn't be prepared to yell at him and/or fetch a bouncer. And of course never let him touch you if you don't want him to. Some guys feel that they are entitled to touch you and if you push them away, they will claim you are a bitch. You know, because our bodies are public property. Also, if you are wearing something even the least bit revealing, in their eyes, that makes you fair game. Unfortunately, they might think she asked for it.

Anyway, I ended up having a great time, mind you we stayed for at least an hour longer than my legs wanted. It was okay. I just sat on the stage swaying, occasionally looking behind me to watch men and women take turns pole dancing or dancing provocatively with their Canadian flags. It was the day before Canada Day. Earlier in the night the anthem music came on and many sang "O Canada."

So there you have it. A night of fun, humour and friend love. But damn, was I happy to leave!


  1. you mentioned the discovery channel, which was a funny reference, but you're way more right than you know. everything you described about the men pursuing you is also exactly like any mating ritual in the animal world. think about the peacocks, spreading their tails in hopes to attract a mate, or the frogs and their croaks. then the circle of females who try to keep the males out, but eventually something WILL catch someone's eye, and the female will give in to a male.

    so i guess even in the animal world you'll find a few sluts?

  2. Wow! You went dancing! I have never ever danced. Someday, I will. I am certain it felt soooo liberating! I am beaming for you. Yay!! Yay for good days! :) :)

  3. Glad you had fun, but be careful in those places. I am a male, so I know why males go there. If nothing else, it is fun to people watch!

  4. Good advice. I like to go out with a group of girls or my husband but if I'm ever left alone for just a minute, the vultures come out! I'm okay being a bitch if it keeps the jerks from coming back.

  5. I am pleased your went dancing even if they guys were a bit much. I love dancing and my husband does not. A few years ago I went with girl friends to dances, just for the pleasure of dancing, but as you say the guys could not understand that I only wanted to dance – that I was not looking for a partner to go home with, so I stopped going. I like to hear when you enjoy yourself.

  6. So glad you got out and danced. I love your tips for a successful night out. I've never understood why guys think a) it's okay to touch you and b) why they get angry when you tell them what you are about to do with the offending hand. The whole bar scene is like the Discovery Channel all it needs is David Attenburough commentating, "and the lions circle to try and isolate the weakest gazelle from the herd", it's so primal sometimes.

  7. I always thought I would miss the days of dance clubs, but I don't, for precisely the reasons that you described. Great post!


  8. Brainsnorts - Haha I'm trying to think of something to respond to your comment other than, "Men are animals." Haha, only some are. And actually many animals have more class than those creeps.

    Feeling - Yes, I enjoy dancing. You've never done it! I often find myself dancing around myself. Try it! Thanks for the "Yay".

    Joe - Thanks for the tip. A male's perspective helps.

    Denise - Vultures is the type of animal those creeps are. Yes! Because they are scavengers... They go after the girls who appear to be left behind, not realizing that either the girls have partners and/or will not tolerate that mistreatment! We are strong!

    Vagabonde - It seems to be a common story that the wife loves dancing but the man does not. Sorry the vultures deterred you from going with your friends! And thanks so much for saying you like to hear that I'm enjoying myself. You've read a lot of my blog and so I'm sure you know that a lot of times I DON'T enjoy myself.

    Rusty - Haha I just imagined Attenborough narrating some of my past encounters with vultures on the dance floor. You're too funny. Thanks for the compliments!

    Jane - Thanks for the compliment! Now that you mention it, I too realize that over the years the vultures have been a major factor whenever I've reconsidered going out dancing.

  9. Glad you had fun at the dance...

    It's funny but once you get to be a certain age, and the male attention kinda dies down - you actually start to appreciate those "vultures" more.

    Take care, stay cool...

  10. Sarsaparilla - I'm glad to see you, hat friend! I don't believe the male attention has died down for you. Maybe you need to put on a sexy hat to get them coming back? Hahaha. I don't think I will miss the attention! Thanks for the comment.