Okay folks, since yesterday was a more wobbly day, I'm going to try to describe my balance problems. Arrrgh I'm so frustrated and irritated! But I'm happy. Very happy.
Basically after any change in posture I tend to feel like I'm falling, or I won't even have to change my posture to feel that way. I often do start falling very quickly, but I always catch myself, either by quickly moving the foot to the side that's opposite of the direction I'm falling. Or I'll grab onto something if it's nearby. Today I did both. I found it amusing after I turned around to look something, then turned back and fell into my friend. I'm so glad she was there so I could grab onto her! We were walking on a trail loaded with wood chips, so you can imagine how likely contributed to my mishap. I was feeling wobbly and my legs felt fatigued, so it was wise that we sat down in the park for a while!
My balance also affects me when I'm standing still as I often can't seem to keep my feet flat on the ground. I tip over a bit. Then my feet rise off the ground, or floor even. It's bizarre.
I have found ways to compensate, though. A few years ago I noticed that I walk with my feet turned outward. I think a lot of that is just the way my legs are. When my knees are facing forward, my feet are facing outward. I think a lot of that is balance, though, as I can't walk stably with my feet facing forward. Hmmm. Also, when I'm standing I try to keep my feet apart to ground myself better. I also move my feet muscles around to try to grip onto the floor. Maybe my balance problems would be worse if I didn't know how to compensate for it. Compensation is empowering. It gives me the control the balance takes away.
It's so strange, though. I mean, if I'm tipping over so much and feeling unsteady, how is it that I can perform the heel-to-toe walk, a basic neurological test, so well? And how am I able to dance? I did both of these things today to see if I could. It doesn't make sense to me. Oh, the human body is so complicated! Again, endurance is my main issue, but like today, my balance issues can happen even when I've mostly been resting. Why am I sometimes completely steady, though? I don't get why this is so intermittent.
And the fatigue? Well, a number of times this week I have felt an intense need to sit down after standing or walking for short periods. It basically feels like my legs can no longer bear the weight of my body. And I get back pain and pressure that goes down my legs too. Stairs are often a drag, too. It feels like I'm carrying weights as I go up. I'm slow and unsteady. Sometimes, by the time I reach the top, my temperamental heart is rowdy. I suppose that could be contributing to the stairs issues too, but it's not severe enough or often enough to go on more medication. I guess I should make sure I haven't acquired new or worse spinal issues, but I'm pretty sure all or at least most of this is neurological. It's been seven years since I last had a scan of my spine. Or maybe my problems haven't worsened, but I'm just having more symptoms for some reason. I could speculate all day.
I'm so proud of myself for keeping active. I've been walking a lot, not afraid that it might make me feel tired or unwell. Sometimes that happens and sometimes I go for a walk or do something else even if I'm already feeling fatigued or wobbly or whatever. I'm still going to live my life! I LOVE to walk. It's one of my very favourite things to do either by myself or with a good friend.
Aside from the pleasures of the exercise, sights and music or conversation, I think walking is kind of my way of testing myself. I want to get a sense of when I will start to feel unwell or weak or whatever and what has provoked that. By walking, I hope to improve my endurance, but that hasn't seemed to work -- yet anyway. Don't get me wrong, I can stay on my feet for an hour or longer, but it's just strenuous and makes me feel sick. I just want to feel that there's something I can do to improve. I mean, I know I can't get rid of my issues, but maybe I can at least make them more manageable. It's unnerving, often feeling like I'm going to fall, having to concentrate on things like standing and walking that I shouldn't even have to think about.