Yesterday I was looking after my two Great Dane friends in mid-afternoon. I was sitting on the edge of the deck with my feet on the ground when I feel the top of the male's head nuzzle the back of my arm. I brought my hand to his face and gave it a good scratch mumbling something about how much I love him and how handsome and well behaved he is. He was smiling. I looked behind me because I wanted to see his cropped ears back and his tail wagging. It was very sweet. He's so affectionate.
A few minutes later I stood up on the deck and then sat on a comfortable chair. The Danes lied down beside me. This is true loyalty. We listened to the children in the school yard chatting and screaming. Recess, of course. Such chaotic noise is indicative of playtime that will end imminently. I noticed this because the children were louder than they are when I usually look after them during the lunch hour.
The noise doesn't seem to bother the dogs. I guess they're just used to it. I kind of got used to it too. Maybe that's because it became a white noise or maybe it's because I just enjoyed listening to kids having fun and trying to make out what they were saying and playing. It's also nostalgia. It reminds me of when I was a kid and went to that school. The yard is so big and so you can hear some kids louder than others. That depth of sound evokes childhood memories for me. Isn't that interesting?
I used to get irritated because I felt I didn't have good fodder for my writing since I'm off sick and not doing much. But there is so much. I have so many opinions on current events and entertainment. There is always so much to observe and absorb, like my animal friends. I love sharing with you what I have learned about myself and my career goals through writing this. Writing gives me agency. It means I still have a voice and I can still be creative even when I don't feel well. I don't need work or school to have those things. My life can be rich without them until school starts up again.
And there is also richness in physiotherapy. My PT has discovered issues with my lower back, hips and legs like pain and stiffness. He said that the fused discs in my neck and the curvature by my shoulders has partly caused or at least contributed to these issues. I feel bad about not seeking help for my spine earlier. I just felt that my issues weren't significant. I always just assumed the pain wasn't abnormal and that everyone gets pains; I was just being a wimp. And I blamed myself for my symptoms, assuming I was just sleeping awkwardly and things like that. It's stupid. My suffering is real and always has been. I need to stop minimizing my experiences. I need to come out and say "I am in pain" or "I really don't feel well" more often.
This realization has been the pinnacle of this blog. It has helped me feel less ashamed or silly about having written so much about my health problems here, but has also driven me to find more to write about to satisfy my creative and social needs. I have features on artists coming up, a film review, maybe a guest post or two. I'm so excited!
Please note that the film RED, which features actor Robert Nolan I interviewed for this piece, is now called RED: WEREWOLF HUNTERS and will air on the SyFy channel on a new date: Oct 30th at 9pm/8 pm Central and later that night at 1:00 am.