Thursday, December 16, 2010

More Evidence that Christmas Music is Depressing

"A child shivers in the cold; let us bring him silver and gold." Yeah, usually when I hear that a child is freezing to death in the desert, my first inclination is to bring him silver and gold. You know, because a blanket isn't the kind of present you give Jesus unless the blanket is made of silver and gold, which would be an excellent insulator and it's also pretty posh. It would be heavy, but Jesus couldn't suffocate or get crushed because ... Well, he's Jesus!

Some may say that this lyric is evidence that Christmas has always been about materialism, at least since this song was written, unless the songwriter had it all wrong and Jesus really did get a blanket instead of silver and gold for his birthday, but regardless, I think material things are important if you want to maintain your status as the most important baby on the desert.

If Jesus grew up and decided he was too practical for a silver and gold blanket, he could have pawned it for some money or a furnace or he could have given it to one of his dinosaur friends to use as a really bling handkerchief. Here, I rewrote the lyrics to the tune of "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Said the donkey to the three wise men:
"I hear he wants a bling blanket!"
The wise men deliberated for a little moment:
"Yes, I'm sure he'd love it!"
A pool, a pool of money for the bling
the child will be so happy that he will sing
yes he'll sing with the voice of a bling king.

Said the wise men to the desert jeweler:
"Do you think you could make this into a blanket?"
Said the jeweler to the three wise men:
"Of course I can, I'm a jeweler!"
A child, a child, shivers in the cold let us bring him a blanket made of silver and gold,
Let us bring him a blanket made of silver and gold.

Said Mary to the little donkey,
"You put the wise men up to this didn't you?"
Said the donkey to angry Mary,
"This is for letting me starve."
They fought, they fought, long into the night
While Jesus rocked his bling while he slept snug and tight.
While he rocked his bling, sleeping snug and tight.


14 comments :

  1. Cute post! Very creative!

    Jane

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  2. Haha, I love how you rewrote the song. Jesus the Bling King. Though I am pretty sure he wasn't around the same time as the dinosaurs :P

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  3. You are actually so awesome. I'm not just discovering this because I've known it for a while, but really, babe. Awesome.

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  4. I'm not much on singing. I used to be until my oldest child asked me to stop. My first thought was does the song really say "let us bring him a blanket of silver and gold"? Okay, I'm not much on remembering lyrics, either. I used to sing "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" to my kids at bedtime, only I changed the words so it didn't mention war or death. Anywho, where was I? Oh yeah, this was a funny post.

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  5. They start playing Christmas music so early in the season that I don’t even hear it anymore, but I might start paying more attention again if the lyrics were as clever as yours.

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  6. This post is TOO funny!
    Now I totally want a bling blanket for Christmas.

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  7. Ha as it is funny, girl you are so right. Thanks for re-writing it. May be that is why, my little Matthew does not want any Christmas songs to be on this year (instead Diana by Paul Anka, lol). On the other hand let me wish you happy holiday season filled with love and peace, happiness and not to forget health. Stay warm and be well. I will see you next year. Anna :)

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  8. Jane - Thank you! I find comments on my creativity the most flattering comments of all!

    theTsaritsa - Thanks. I'm glad you loved my rewrite. Oh, in that dinosaurs bit I was just satirizing creationism.

    Laura - Aw, I'm glad I keep proving my awesomeness. Ha ha wow I sound so arrogant. Thanks, doll.

    Helen - Aw, I tricked you into thinking the silver and gold blanket lyric was in the actual song! Trickery was not my intention, I assure you. Thanks for your stories and compliment!

    Jane - Oh, I know. Being saturated with Christmas at Christmas can be a pain, let alone when it starts like over a month before Christmas! Maybe subconsciously I wrote this post to get back at Christmas, to defile it a little bit. Thanks for the compliment and welcome to my blog!

    Linda - Thank you! You know, when I wrote that post, I was trying to imagine what a bling blanket would look like.

    Anna - Your boy sounds adorable. Thanks for you lovely well wishes! You're too kind.

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  9. I would just like to take this opportunity to focus on the materialism to which you alluded. Yes! I love Baby Jesus as much as the next guy, because He says lots of things for me to parody. However, materialism is something I can truly accept with all my heart.

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  10. John - Ha ha yes materialism can be grand I guess. I like jewelery. Thanks for coming to my blog. Welcome!

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  11. Well, I feel sorta sorry for Jesus. Seems like a good guy everybody was pinning their hopes on. Born with a silver and gold blanket, and died beneath some shroud of Turin. Seems sorta weird in my book. I am inclined to think, you get born one certain day you know of, you die on some unannounced day. So what is the best way to spend a given day?

    Cheers in the New Year!

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  12. Mythopolis - Welcome to my blog! I think you have good points. Jesus faced a lot of pressure, as evidenced by the examples you mentioned. Someone should have cut him a break. Thanks for stopping by!

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  13. This post cracked me up! I love your sense of humor! :)

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  14. Princess - Thank you so much! I am smiling and my ego is bursting.

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