Thursday, February 18, 2010

I just want to get this day over with

I am officially nocturnal.

My average school day goes from 8:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Those are just my classes. My day is longer with preparation for school and the commute there and back. It really tires me out and by the time I get home I usually feel worse, so I go have a nap and wake up in the evening. Then I stay up all night to listen to music, write for pleasure, write assignments, etc. I've been a night owl for years, but this is the first period in my life that I feel I have no choice but to be nocturnal. I don't see how I could come home and avoid napping. Without recharging first, I wouldn't have the energy or ambition to do my homework.

I cried hard last night after I woke up still feeling sick. And I had developed a crick in my neck to top it off!

Today I have an appointment with one of my instructors who also co-ordinates my program. He wants to meet with each of us to discuss our assignments and get feedback on how we like the program. I didn't do very well on my assignment. There were loads of awkward sentence structures and grammar and punctuation errors. I also didn't do well on another assignment I submitted that week. I was feeling nasty that week. I'm still upset about this confirmation that I don't work well when I'm sick. I feel like I've let myself down. I must tell my instructor about my health situation. I have six instructors and I've only so far told one about what I'm going through. I just want to buck up and get on with my life, but now I see that's not always realistic.

I think I'm nervous about my meeting with my instructor because I feel like I'm about to admit weakness -- defeat, even. I don't want him to think I'm less capable of doing the work than I should be, but I also don't want him to think I'm being careless orthat I'm not smart enough. I just don't see the point. I'm also nervous to tell him about some problems I have with the way my classes are run. There are two classes a week for 6 of my 7 courses. This seems excessive. There's a lot of repetitive or seemingly pointless busy work; some instructors don't provide examples of documents they want us to create... There's other stuff too, but I'd better not get myself all riled up before school...

Anyway, I refuse to ask for extensions because it will make my workload accumulate. Also, I'd have to go to my family doctor to get a note. He's ignorant about post viral syndrome and Dandy Walker syndrome. There doesn't seem to be much point in telling my instructors I'm sick.

It's going to be another long day...

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