Crazy heart

Yesterday I threw my my mom a surprise 60th birthday party. I had to tell my Mom a lot of lies about why I was talking to my neighbor who was hosting the event at her house and why I was leaving my house with my dad (to get decorations). It was tough because I don't like to lie! Planning the party was also tough because I was co-ordinating several different invitation methods. I looked up some old friends of my mom on Facebook and sent them each private messages about the party. I also sent a group message to a bunch of my friends who my mom loves and has known for years. I hand delivered invitations to the neighbors we like. Oh, and I phoned my Aunt to invite her, my uncle, cousins and their partners. I had to keep following up with all of these people to keep track of who was coming and make sure they knew where the party was and answer their questions about gift ideas. It was stressful! It was especially hard work to keep all of this from my mom.

It worked! She was completely surprised! Of course, she bawled when she saw us all. After the surprise, I immediately relaxed. Then I poured myself a glass of red wine! It had been a tough week and I was happy to get a buzz. My heart wasn't so happy, though. It went pretty fast. I counted 140 beats per minute at rest. So I didn't drink anymore after that. I also didn't have any of the pizza we ordered because my heart had gone insane the previous time I had had fast food. It could have been a coincidence. Anyway, that night I tried to sleep with my heart going at 170 beats per minute.

One of my mom's friends, whom Mom hadn't seen in 40 years, has had heart problems too. After mom told her about mom about my heart, her friend warned me that alcohol is bad for it. She said two glasses give her palpitations. I figured racing on only one glass was fine until I read on the internet that one glass of red wine a day is supposedly good for the heart. Over a year ago, my cardiologist told me to "live" and have a few alcoholic drinks at New Years if I wanted. Whatever. I don't know what to think. This woman LOVED me and she said she wanted to adopt me because I'm sweet and nice. She also said she felt instantly connected to me and said "You have a heart of gold, but you have to take care of it." I think that's really nice. A virtual stranger concerned about my health. I appreciated her honesty, especially about the connection she felt with me. I didn't tell her my heart was racing. I'm very modest about it.

I was trying to ignore my heart. I was having such a good time at the party. There were so many people there I don't see much! I just couldn't ignore it, though. I was really uncomfortable and I felt weak. I was on my feet for most of the night and they got really sore and fatigued. I'm sure being on my feet/doing work for the party also contributed to the heart racing. I must confess that I wanted to leave the party hours before it ended because I felt I needed to rest. I DIDN'T want to leave, though, because I was having a lot of fun with everyone. I find my body and mind are usually in conflict like this. It's so frustrating to have to hold back or at least feel like I need to or should. It's no way to live, but what can I do?

I don't want to imply that I'm unhappy now. I'm happy that everyone had such a good time at the party. I'd told the guests that the party would be until 5:30 p.m., but it ended up going until 10:00p.m.! Surely this was due to my good hosting and entertaining. Seriously, my family and neighbors and friends were meeting each other for the first time, but getting along like they'd been friends for years. It was beautiful. My mom connected us all!

I'm relieved that I don't have to hide from my mom anymore! Ah, but I'm ticked that I have to do homework today....